Do You Wish Your Spouse Would Stop Teasing You

Do You Wish Your Spouse Would Stop Teasing You Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems Print Do You Wish the Teasing Would Stop? Why Does Your Spouse Tease You? By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20 years. Shes the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial policy Sheri Stritof Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD on February 01, 2020 facebook twitter linkedin Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.   Learn about our Medical Review Board Carly Snyder, MD on February 01, 2020 Photo: Carlos Davila/Getty Images More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse Even if said in jest, some jokes and some forms of teasing just arent funny. For many of you, some areas of your lives are off limits when it comes to teasing and joking. Yes, you can take a joke. Yes, you do have a sense of humor. But some jokes or teasing are just not funny. Even though you know your spouse well, your teasing can still be offensive and can hurt a relationship. Cutting remarks can wound deeply. Why Does Your Spouse Tease You? Teasing is a way of showing love and affection for some individuals.  For others, teasing is a habit and a way of interacting with people.In some cases, teasing maybe a power play or a way of trying to be the center of attention.Some people may tease to liven up a dull conversation or to try and come across as clever and funny.There are people who use teasing as a smokescreen to keep the focus on others and not on themselves.Others tease their spouse when there are others around because they think it is a safe way to say something negative theyve been wanting to say. Some psychologists believe that teasing is an important tool in building healthy relationships.?? The more satisfied a couple is with their marriage, the more playful they can become.?? However, since teasing is ambiguous, the desired effect can backfire. Additionally, people respond differently to teasing. Teasing that hurts others on purpose can be called taunting. Taunting can become bullying when it is done repeatedly, according to the AIMS Project. Teasing Guidelines Dont attack or be malicious especially when it comes to your spouses capabilities, appearance, weight, or what you perceive to be a physical flaw. It isnt funny to those who hear what youve said, and it isnt funny to your spouse.Dont overdo the humor bit. Yes, every relationship needs some fun and laughter. However, you can give too many gag gifts, make too many so-called witty remarks, tell a few too many funny stories, and engage in too much horseplay. Keep it balanced with some down to earth, real, serious conversations with your spouse.Make sure that your teasing isnt a sly or manipulative way to throw insults and put-downs at your spouse.Recognize that teasing can snowball in a relationship with one spouse wanting to top the others last remark.All of us have sensitive areas or weak spots in our self-esteem. Its not something that is readily shared. So if your spouse objects to your teasing, accept that the teasing is not liked or appreciated and knock it off! Dont try to throw i f off by saying that you were only joking or that your spouse is a poor sport. What to Do When the Teasing Doesnt Stop If you are being teased by your spouse and dont like it, say so. Assert yourself. Ask your mate, Why would you say that? or Why do you want to hurt my feelings?If teasing is a problem primarily when you are among friends, decide in advance how you want to handle the situation. Sometimes, a long stare, then walking away will get the message across. Other folks have actually left the restaurant or party and drove home figuring their spouse can figure out a way to get home on their own.When confronted later as to why you responded the way you did, the state again that the teasing wasnt funny and that you arent going to take it anymore. The key is being able to recognize good-natured, healthy teasing from teasing that attacks.?? If your spouse doesnt stop teasing when you ask, or if the teasing becomes even more vindictive and hurtful after youve discussed it, then there could be some serious problems in your marriage, including emotional abuse, that require professional help. How to Recognize Verbal Abuse